Signs of child sexual abuse: what school staff should know

Many children do not tell an adult straight away. Some do not realise that what is happening is abuse, especially if someone has groomed them. Others feel ashamed, fear they will not be believed, or have been threatened.

Adult men are not the only people who commit sexual abuse. Women can commit it, and so can other children. The person responsible is more likely to be known to the child than to be a stranger.

So staff rarely hear a clear statement. They notice small signs, such as a change in behaviour, an odd comment or a fear of one person. Your job is to pass these to your designated safeguarding lead (DSL), who decides what they mean.

No sign proves abuse, and each one can have other causes. A group of signs, or a sign that keeps returning, tells you more than a single one. You do not need to be sure before you speak to your DSL.

Signs like these are described by the UK charity NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children). Staff in school see the behavioural ones most often.

• Sexual knowledge, language or play that is far beyond what you would expect for the child's age
• Fear of, or a wish to avoid, one particular person or place
• Sudden changes in mood, sleep, appetite or school work
• Nightmares, or wetting and soiling that are new and have no medical cause
• Hints about a secret, or gifts, money or a phone from someone nobody can explain
• Self-harm, running away, eating problems, or drug and alcohol use

Babies and young children cannot explain what is happening. You may see a loss of skills they had before, such as toilet training, or distress during intimate care. Young children may also copy sexual acts in their play.

Teenagers more often show self-harm, running away, eating problems or sudden withdrawal. A pregnancy or infection in a young person should always go to the DSL, who arranges medical help. Staff never examine a child or ask to see their body.

Children with disabilities or limited language may find it harder to tell anyone. Judge their behaviour by developmental age, and watch for any change from their usual self. Some behaviour can reflect sensory needs, so ask the DSL rather than guess.

Children are curious about bodies and relationships, and that is part of growing up. The NSPCC describes typical behaviour as playful and voluntary, between children of similar age and size who know each other. It harms no one, and it needs a calm, kind response rather than a punishment.

Behaviour is more worrying when it is angry or forceful, or when one child did not choose it. A big gap in age or power raises concern too, as does behaviour that is rare for that age. These examples follow the NSPCC age bands; local law and culture differ, so ask your DSL how they apply to you:

• Under 5: curiosity about bodies and doctor games with friends are common; explicit sexual language is not
• Ages 5 to 9: modesty and questions about babies are common; adult-like sexual acts are not
• Ages 9 to 13: crushes, jokes and private curiosity are common; sexual behaviour in public is not
• Ages 13 to 17: private, consensual exploring with a similar-age peer is common; interest in a much younger child is not
• At any age: secrecy, or a child who seems frightened or upset, raises the level of concern

Follow your school's child protection procedure and tell the DSL the same day. If a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency services first. Write down what you saw or heard before the details fade.

You do not have to decide which kind of behaviour you saw. Use the child's own words, and keep facts apart from opinions. The guide on how to record a safeguarding concern shows what a good note looks like.

If your concern is about a colleague or about the DSL, use your school's allegations or whistleblowing route instead. Your policy names who receives it.

• Stay calm and keep your voice and face steady
• Sit somewhere quiet where other adults can see you, and let the child set the pace
• Listen without interrupting, and do not ask leading questions
• Tell the child they were right to tell you and that it is not their fault
• Say what happens next: you must tell someone whose job is to help
• Write down the child's exact words, the time and what you saw
• Tell the DSL the same day, in person if you can

Short, warm and honest sentences work best. Avoid "Are you sure?" and "Why did you not say sooner?", which can sound like doubt. The guide to responding when a child discloses abuse covers the whole conversation.

Never promise to keep a secret, even if the child begs. Keeping children safe in education (KCSIE), a benchmark for many British schools overseas, says staff should never promise a child that they will tell no one. Telling the right people is how the child gets help.

Children often tell only part of what happened. Trauma can affect memory, so do not worry if details change later. Try these sentences:

• "Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing."
• "It is not your fault, whatever happened."
• "I am taking this seriously."
• "I cannot keep this secret. I need to tell the person who helps keep children safe."
• "I will tell you what happens next."

Your role is to notice, listen and report. Pressing a child for detail can upset them, and leading questions can affect a later interview by trained professionals.

Do not confront the person the child named, and do not contact the family unless the DSL tells you to. A family member may be the person responsible, and a warning could put the child at greater risk.

Do not search a phone or open images. If a device may hold sexual images of a child, hand it to the DSL and never view or forward them.

The DSL records the concern, checks that the child is safe today, and decides who must be told. That may include child protection services or the police. Mandatory reporting laws and the age of consent differ between countries, so the DSL takes local advice.

The DSL also decides what parents are told, and when. Only people who need to know hear about it. Staff who received a disclosure need support too, because hearing one is hard.

Before a child ever tells you, check these four things:

• Every adult knows who the DSL and deputy are, and how to reach them
• The staff handbook lists your local emergency number and a child helpline; Child Helpline International lists helplines by country
• Staff have practised what they would say, using examples from your own school
• Students know which trusted adults they can tell, and how