How to respond when a child tells you about abuse

Follow your school's child protection procedure and tell your designated safeguarding lead (DSL) straight away, and always on the same day. If a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency services first.

These six steps are short enough to remember when your heart is racing. Read them now, before you need them.

• Stay calm, stop what you are doing and listen
• Let the child talk at their own pace and do not question them
• Do not promise to keep it secret
• Tell the child they did the right thing and it is not their fault
• Write down their exact words as soon as you can
• Tell the DSL straight away

Children often do not feel ready to tell. The English guidance, Keeping children safe in education (KCSIE) 2026, says a child may feel embarrassed or humiliated, may be threatened, or may not see their experience as harmful. It names language barriers as one more reason.

KCSIE is written for schools in England, but many international schools use it as a model. In an international school, a child may also find it easier to speak in a home language than in English.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says it may take several conversations before a child shares everything. A first, partial remark deserves your full attention.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child asks adults to take children seriously (Article 12) and to protect them from abuse (Article 19).

Give the child your full attention. Put your phone away and keep your face and voice calm. If you are in a busy place, move somewhere quieter where other adults can still see you, as your code of conduct allows.

Let the child set the pace and allow silences. Do not interrupt. NSPCC advises you to reflect back what you heard, in the child's own words, to check you understand.

If you need to understand more, use open prompts such as "Can you tell me more?" Avoid questions that suggest an answer. These phrases are short, calm and safe to say:

• "Thank you for telling me."
• "I am listening. Take your time."
• "I take what you are telling me seriously."
• "You are not in trouble. This is not your fault."
• "I am going to tell the safeguarding lead today, so you can get the right help."

Never promise secrecy. KCSIE 2026 says staff should never promise a child that they will not tell anyone, as this may not be in the child's best interests. NSPCC gives the same advice.

Say it early, especially if a child begins with "Promise you won't tell." Be honest and kind about it. Here is a script you can adapt:

• "I am glad you want to tell me."
• "I cannot keep it secret if someone is hurting you, because I need to get you help."
• "I will only tell the people who need to know, and I will tell you what I do next."

Your job is to listen, reassure, record and report. People trained to investigate do that part later.

NSPCC warns that discussing what a child said with the person they named could make things much worse for the child.

• Do not ask leading questions such as "Did he hurt you?"
• Do not ask the child to show you marks or injuries
• Do not show shock, anger or blame, and do not criticise the person named
• Do not confront or warn the person the child named
• Do not tell the child's parents yourself, because the DSL decides if and when
• Do not wait until you are sure or until you have every detail
• Do not copy, save or forward any explicit image. Tell the DSL what you saw

Tell the DSL in person if you can, before the child goes home. A sentence such as "A student has told me something and I need to speak to you now" is enough to start.

Write your record the same day, in the child's exact words inside quotation marks. Add the date, time and place, who else was there, and what you said and did. The guide to recording a safeguarding concern has a full checklist.

The International Task Force on Child Protection (ITFCP) warns against delaying a report, handling it alone or waiting for missing details. Send what you have and keep facts apart from opinion.

If the DSL and the deputy are both out of reach, do not wait. KCSIE says this should not delay action, so speak to a senior leader and tell the DSL as soon as you can.

If the child talks about a member of staff, follow your school's allegations procedure. This usually means telling the Head, or the chair of governors or owner if the concern is about the Head. The guide to low-level concerns policies explains where a concern about an adult becomes an allegation.

The DSL takes it from here. If you are the DSL, your first job is to check that the child is safe now and safe after school.

Reporting duties differ by country, and some countries require staff to report to the authorities. Ask local counsel or the authorities what applies to you, and read mandatory reporting laws for international schools.

A typical order for the DSL is below. Adapt it to your policy and local law.

• Take the record and ask what the child said in their own words
• Check where the child is going after school and whether it is safe
• Decide whether the child needs medical care or urgent protection today
• Decide whether to refer to the local child protection authority or the police
• Decide whether and when to tell parents, and whether telling them could put the child at greater risk
• Record each decision and the reason, including a decision not to refer
• Tell the staff member what happens next, as far as you can

The Council of International Schools (CIS) says accreditation and inspection bodies have agreed global child protection standards that include detecting and reporting abuse. A short rehearsal helps staff practise the words. Scenario-based training from your own policy shows how to build one.

Make the route obvious. Put the DSL's name and number, and your local emergency number, on a card in every classroom and staff room. Add the local child helpline, which you can find through Child Helpline International.

Hearing a disclosure is hard. Check in with the staff member the next day and tell them they did the right thing. Ask them not to discuss the details with colleagues.