Domestic abuse and children: signs and school response

Domestic abuse can be a single incident or a pattern. It can be physical, sexual, financial or emotional, and it often includes control. The adults involved are usually partners, ex-partners or family members.

Keeping children safe in education (KCSIE) 2026 says children can be victims. They may see it, hear it or live with its effects. The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says that being exposed to domestic abuse in childhood is child abuse.

Older students can also face abuse in their own relationships. KCSIE calls this teenage relationship abuse and says to follow child safeguarding procedures. KCSIE is English statutory guidance, and many international schools use it as a model.

A child in a home with abuse may live on alert. KCSIE says the harm can last and can affect health, wellbeing and ability to learn. Some children blame themselves for what happens.

The NSPCC lists anxiety, depression, aggression, withdrawal and fearfulness among the effects. The World Health Organization (WHO) says children who grow up with violence at home may have a range of behaviour and emotional problems.

UNICEF says violence against children often comes from people they trust most, including at home. KCSIE adds that school is often the only steady support some children have. That makes you one of the few adults who can notice.

No single sign proves it. Many fit other causes, such as illness, grief or a move to a new country. Look for a change in the child, or a pattern that lasts.

The NSPCC says abusers often act differently when other people are present. A family can look calm from outside, so a small sign in class may be the only one. The signs below are examples to watch for, and the DSL decides what they mean.

• Younger children: clinginess, tantrums, toilet accidents or sleep trouble
• Primary-age children: stomach aches, worry about a parent, or always watching adult moods
• Older students: anger, risk-taking, skipped lessons, low mood or self-harm
• Schoolwork that drops, or a child who cannot focus or stay awake
• Fear of going home, or worry about leaving a parent alone
• Talk of a pet being hurt or threatened, which the NSPCC says can be part of abuse
• A child who seems used to stress and says little

Follow your school's child protection procedure and tell your designated safeguarding lead (DSL) the same day. If the DSL is away, tell the deputy or a senior leader, as your procedure says.

If anyone is in immediate danger, call your local emergency services first, then tell the DSL. If a child says they are afraid to go home today, find the DSL straight away.

Then write your record, using the steps in how to record a safeguarding concern.

• Write down what you saw or heard, with the date, time and place
• Put the child's exact words in quotation marks
• Do not ask leading questions or try to investigate
• Do not call or email the family yourself, even to check. It can put someone at more risk.
• Do not promise to keep it secret
• Do not assume someone else has already spoken up

You do not need perfect words. Stay calm, listen, and let the child set the pace. KCSIE says staff should never promise a child that they will not tell anyone.

Avoid questions such as "Does your dad hurt your mum?" They put words in the child's mouth. For the full conversation, see how to respond when a child discloses abuse.

If the child speaks another language, ask the DSL for a trusted adult interpreter, never another child.

• "I have noticed you seem tired this week. How are things?"
• "Is there anything that worries you about going home today?"
• "Thank you for telling me. What you saw and heard is not your fault."
• "I cannot keep this secret, because my job is to keep you safe. I will only tell the people who need to know."

Read the record and thank the member of staff. Check earlier notes, attendance, grades and friendship changes. Then ask whether the child is safe tonight, and whether the parent being hurt is safe, before anyone contacts the family.

The route depends on your country. Some countries have a legal duty to report, and some treat domestic abuse as a private family matter. Read mandatory reporting laws for international schools and ask local counsel or the authorities.

Local police or services may respond in ways that raise the risk for the child or the parent. Get local advice before you call them, unless someone is in immediate danger.

The International Task Force on Child Protection (ITFCP) and the Council of International Schools (CIS) publish child protection resources for international schools. Use them to check your own procedure.

• Add the new note to the child's chronology
• Name one trusted adult in school the child can go to
• Agree who may collect the child, and what staff do if someone else arrives
• Decide whether a referral is needed, and record why
• Set a review date, even if you decide to watch and wait

Share only with people who need to know to keep the child safe. That is usually the DSL, the deputy, and the staff the DSL chooses. Do not talk about it in the staffroom or in open email threads.

KCSIE says data protection laws do not prevent sharing information to keep children safe. Your country's data law may differ, so check it. See information sharing in international schools.

In England and Wales, police now tell a child's school about domestic abuse incidents through Operation Encompass. Your country may have no such scheme, so a school may learn only from a child, a parent or a colleague.

• Share facts, and leave out guesses about who is to blame
• Keep records in a secure safeguarding file, away from general staff access
• Check who can read letters, texts and parent app messages before you send one
• Do not put details in reports or newsletters that go home
• Record who you told, when and why
• Pass records on securely to the next school when the child moves

Support works best when it is small and steady. A predictable day, a trusted adult and a calm place to go can help. Give staff a simple plan: who the child goes to, what to do when they are upset, and who to tell if something changes.

Tell staff what to do, and leave out the details of what happened. Review the plan each term, and sooner if the child's situation changes.

In international communities, the parent being hurt may rely on the other adult for a visa, housing or income. They may live far from family. That can make leaving hard, so do not judge or push the family to act.

Teach healthy relationships so every student hears that it is safe to ask for help. Child Helpline International is a network of helplines in over 130 countries and territories. Check which one covers your students.